In Sickness and In Health

Yesterday I saw something that I don't think I will ever forget. It happened in one of those moments where I realized how precious life is and the love that we find and give to other people.

I was walking out of Ikea, still laughing about my 6 inch hot dog, when I noticed a beautiful young couple and their two young children. The kids were running ahead toward the exit; the dad shouting for them to slow down, and the mother slowly moving behind. It looked like any other family except for one thing: the mother was in a wheel chair and could not move her body and did not have any legs.

But she was beautiful. Her long blonde hair had been neatly curled and pulled back in a styling flower-clip. Her face, despite being lopsided, glowed and was completely made up. I was instantly drawn to this family, as the father wanted to catch up to his running children, yet was loyal and walked near his wife. I thought about the fact that she did look so beautiful, yet her arms were stuck near her trunk and I would be very surprised that she had the ability to put on make-up. Her husband did it for her because he knew she wanted to feel beautiful.

I can't help but think about families like this. How did she get hurt? Where was he when he found out? What kind of experiences will those kids have as compared to their peers? What is their love life like? Did people try to talk him into leaving her? Will he one day? Does she feel like she could understand if he did?

But from what I could tell, none of those questions mattered. The family, despite its obvious trials, were enjoying a day of shopping just like any other family. It was obvious that the husband love his wife dearly and was determined to not let her feel any more pain than she already had. Perhaps those children will grow up better than kids who have active moms in their lives just because they had a real, true example of unconditional love.

When I see these heart-breaking, yet beautiful families, I realize how grateful I am for everything I have. I have a job. I have a new nephew. I have a fiancée who I know would always stay with me. I have parents and sisters and a brother-in-law who sacrifice for me. I have education. I have my religion. I have freedom. Shame on me for ever feeling sorry for myself. Shame on me for ever feeling scare of the future, when I have such an amazing life now and I don't want to waste a second of it.

I am sure that family doesn't want my pity. It doesn't want me to be comparing myself to it. I am sure that they feel grateful for their wife and mother to be alive and they are physically able to help her out. And that is what makes me feel grateful most of all.

Hot Dog, Hot Dog, Hot Diggity Dog

So it has been awhile and I have to say that I think I have just been lacking inspiration for a bit. But that is now over, as I have a wedding to plan, a new job, no car and time that wants to be filled. So lets get down to business.

Yesterday I was walking in the giant room in Ikea, you know the one that is factory sized where people can grab the bed that they had been trying out in other sections of the store. And as I was walking to the check-out area, I couldn't help but notice an advertisement in the store about the size of a billboard. On it was a giant hot dog, about 20 feet long. It was on sale for 50 cents. But beneath the hot dog was this interesting description: *not actual size.

Really? How did that description get there? Was there once an Ikea customer who asked for the 20 foot hot dog in the advertisement only to be disappointed and complain to corporate about false advertisements? I can just see it now...

Customer: Yes, I would like two hot dogs.

Server: Here you go sir. One dollar.

Customer: These are only like 6 inches long.

Server: Yeah, our dogs are about average for the market.

Customer: Well your sign sure makes them seem like they are going to be at least 15 feet long!

Server: Sir, its a hot dog...

After that, Ikea endures a long battle of trials and lawsuits only to find that they must now change all of their advertisements to warn customers that this lunch is in fact, the average size of a hot dog, and not the length of a limousine. I am sure that this desperate endeavor has saved many a customer from disappointment.

Its kinda like when you are a little kid and you think that maybe the pieces of cereal are going to be the size of the cereal on the box. But every time, there it is, written, "Enlarged to show texture." But I guess I can understand the dissapointment is bigger for dwarfed hot dog. I mean a 20 foot dog and a 6 inch dog is a 40:1 ratio. Enlarged fruit loops to actual fruit loops is about a 2:1 ration. I guess if you are the kind of person who gets upset by the deceiving breakfast cereal boxes, the Ikea hot dog would be a heartbreaking ordeal.

Women of New York, Bore Your Selves!

Okay so I am presently setting a number of goals for myself, which is why the title suggests that this is boring. I am not saying that striving to live by my goals will be boring, but more like reading about goals are boring. So if you would like to skip over this post, you could find more important things to do.

Today I learned that not only should I write down my goals, but I should also try to make them as detailed as possible and realize how important it is to have God incorporated in everything I strive to do.

1. Write in my blogs at least once a week

I will dedicate Sunday and Tuesday scripture study to making a missionary blog.

2. Go to the temple and volunteer somewhere once a week

I will attend the temple on Thursdays and I will volunteer to work with kids for at least an hour per week.

3. Do better with the media I consume

I want to stay away from things that bring my mentality down and things that are crude. I will do this by finding out about a movie or show before I watch it, and turn things off if they push away the Spirit.

4. Watch my thoughts, words and actions better

Oftentimes I regret the things that I say and do and I realize it is because I am in a habit of thinking a certain way. So when I find myself wanting to make a crude joke or if I find myself thinking badly about myself, I will substitute that thought with something better.

5. Try to figure out what I want to be doing with myself: ie mission? study abroad? field study?

I am researching all of my options. I will read what I can, talk to people, pray about things, figure out budgets.

6. Put school first

When I need to be studying, I will study

Familial Roles

I have got to start this blog by saying that I love my family. I love them a ton. I really do. I love them so much.
Ok, glad I got that off of my chest; this concept of my love needs to be remembered as I take on one dear topic that has been on my mind. But, in case you didnt infer it from before, here it is one more time: I love my family. But man, do they just rub me the wrong way sometimes!
Now before this becomes reminiscent of a prepubescent girl's tear-stained diary in which there is nothing but rants and bucket loads of generalizations (not to generalize those lovely, mosquito-bitten young ladies) I need to start over by just explaining my reputation. (If for some reason you have been too dense to know it, everyone in a family has a reputation. Guarantee you have one. Suck on that.)
They call me the joke. No, scratch that. They would never call me the joke, I am just known as one. It is implied and everybody knows it, even without talking about it. Not like they don't talk about it; they do. I bring you a situation that took place sometime in the last 48 hours:

(Robyn leaves something out and its now really bugging her family that she didn't put it away...or she spilled something...or she forgot to do something...or she did it but didn't do it as thorough as she should...something happened)
"Robyn, why did you leave that there? You know dad-," Holly stops abruptly. "Sorry, we are trying to not lecture you so much."
"Wait, its a family endeavor to not lecture me so much?" I asked in disgust.
She smiled and chuckled. "Don't take it personally. We are just trying."

Now I ask myself how it is that I missed the family addressing this important endeavor. Did they just wait around all day until I finally took a shower and then discussed how they can deal with "my problem." Did they wake up Christmas morning while I was asleep and previewed the presents while discussing how they can assist me in my times of trial (AKA the last 7,625 days- I just checked how many days I have lived. Try it out: http://www.beatcanvas.com/daysalive.asp)
Well I guess that's nice. On the one hand, its cool they like me. On the other hand it is frustrating to live by myself and take care of myself and deal with my struggles of unthoroughness ( I just made that up!!) and then come home and fall into those same situations where everything that can go wrong does go wrong. And the biggest problem of it all: I do it to myself.
I do not know why. But as soon as I come home, I become lazy around the house. I forget to feed myself. I am reminded of all the ways in which I didn't take care of my money. And perhaps I am like this when I am away at school. But because it is expected of me to make a mess of myself, it becomes very apparent that I do just make messes.

"The inherent factors that screw us up in priorities: A philosophy"

I chose to make this my second post; I want to fool "my readers" into thinking I am just going to publish only really, really short posts. Believe what you want.
As I meant to explain in my last post, before I realized how much I love writing (and how I love it, world!), there are some automatic ironies that are part of prioritizing. For example, if one, let's call give her the name of my overly candid sister, Holly, decides to make sleep the thing that matters most, then everything else, let's say snoring dogs, do not matter. If Holly is asleep and the dogs snore, then she must throw the dogs out and lock them up. But what happens when they scratch on a door so that Robyn is left wide awake? In taking care of her priorities of gaining sleep, this blessed soul named Robyn lost sleep. Luckily, Holly isn't overlyu heartless Holly, but overly candid Holly. Meaning that she tried to take care of a wide awake Robyn. But she was so upset that they were not going to get any sleep that she complained of symptoms of a heart attack and Robyn's lack of sleep came as a result of Holly's insufficient blood supply to the heart, not the dogs. In summary, the one who meant to get sleep ruined it for herself and everyone else in attempt to getting that sleep.
I use this example of this make-belief story to illustrate that oftentimes when we prioritize things, we end up missing our goal all together. Think of our dear friend Hamlet who in his attempt of killing his uncle-father killed himself. Call it irony. Call it tragedy. Call it "The inherent factors that screw us up in priorities: A philosophy"

An attempt at priorities...or perhaps it is my priority

To start up this blog, I decided to confront the very nature of deciding what matters and what does not. The first thing that comes to mind is how I could be making money by simply signing out and walking downstairs and get sewing for my mom's business. But then again, hasn't my soul been craving a creative outlet and I just updated my facebook status as, "Man. Its crazy how I forget how much I love writing...well, world, I love it!"? Which is really my priority at this particular moment?...
I chose sustenance for the soul. I love just being able to type out words and not know exactly where my thoughts are going to go. I love knowing that perhaps no one will read this but it feels so good to me that that is all that really matters. I love hearing myself thinking this because if sounds like an old bird that I love and admire. I love the pace at which I type and the errors that I make because I can not help but type out with such frivolity that I just mess up in my excitement. I love the fact that this blog has taken a turn as I realize that I am completely going off topic and not addressing what I meant to? Should I make "The inherent factors that screw us up in priorities: A philosophy" my second post instead of the rest of this post?